blood nerve and bone

  A little while ago, I wrote a post titled “Ace of Hearts.” It was about coming to terms with being on the asexual and aromantic spectrums. I was very shy; I didn’t say too much, and I certainly didn’t speak in absolutes. I was not-so-firmly on the spectrums, but not entirely, aroace. Now, though, I’m a lot more sure of myself, so I think it’s time for an updated aroace post. I’ve actually identified as at least somewhat aroace since I was about 17 or 18. Suck it, all the anonymous askers who insist I’m holding my girlfriend hostage. I had a stint of identifying as strictly aroace at about 19, but hated myself quite a lot over it, and forced myself into relationships to “prove to myself” I wasn’t really aroace. It worked for a while, and I trudged through the world of relationships somewhat happily, somewhat less-so. Something just didn’t quite click for me like it seemed to for others. When I got into my current relationship, I was identifying as aroace-flux, so fluctuating along...

I'm coming to terms with the fact I'm on the schizophrenia spectrum. Maybe this is a sort of coming out post. This is a big vent about it. I'm not even sure I get to say that. My 'disorder' is 'bipolar' - not inherently a psychotic disorder. I, though, have psychotic features. Honestly, I wonder if a different psychiatrist would diagnose me with schizoaffective bipolar type. That's sort of beside the point, actually. Schizospec, as I understand it, is a term that refers to those with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders. I feel bad taking that space and that label as my own; I have an affective disorder with psychotic features. But, God, the psychotic features are hard. Let me be transparent about my psychotic features. They mostly appear in mixed episodes and severe depressive episodes, not so much hypomanic episodes - hence my diagnosis of bipolar II over I. The worst of it, almost daily, has to be the magical thinking. Delusions that my thought...